I don’t think anyone especially enjoys criticism. At least not initially. Pastors are no different. After all, we get our fair share, we don’t want criticism from our wives too.
Or do we?
The pastor’s wife is his closest friend. She knows his weaknesses and his strengths. Therefore, she is uniquely qualified to be the pastor’s greatest proponent as well as his best critic.
Let me get real practical and transparent. Awhile back I preached a sermon that I knew was not my best. I felt a bit disjointed and unclear. It was a homiletical dud. I knew it and so did my wife. She quietly bid her time and then I asked the dreaded question. “How do you think things went today? Was I clear?” She looked back and said, “I had a hard time tracking.” From there she gave me her thoughtful review.
At that point I didn’t want to hear it. I would have rather talked about crafts, jewelry, cloth diapers or Martha Stewart. Anything would have been better than hearing my wife land body-blow after body-blow on my freshly preached sermon.
Why was I so resistent? Because I value her opinion and I want to deliver quality sermons.
But what I missed was that this was precisely the reason why I should be listening to her in the first place! The heart is tricky and pride runs deep.
In light of this, I want to give a few reasons why pastors, particularly preaching pastors, should listen to their wife’s sermon feedback.
- She Loves You: We forget this sometimes, especially when we are feeling so extra sensitive. The bottom line here preachers, your wife probably has your best interests in mind. She is not out to filet you, she wants you to get better. Because she loves you and wants the best for you, you owe it to her to listen to what she says.
- She Loves Christ: This could’ve gone first also. Since my wife is a Christ-loving Christian woman, I need to hear what she says. Her big objective here is not the glory of herself (how could that be in this context?) but rather the glory of Christ! Therefore, because she is loved by Jesus and loves Jesus, I need to hear what this beloved joint-heir of grace has to say.
- She Loves the Church: The bottom-line is she wants the church to grow in their understanding of God’s Word. And, in case we forgot, this includes her! Therefore, she is giving feedback on items that were not particularly clear or helpful. Our goal is to be biblically faithful while personally clear, therefore, we should listen to feedback when we are not.
- You Aren’t a Great Preacher: Note to Self: You are not John Piper. I am not great. Therefore, there is probably a lot of morning fog sitting on the young day of my preaching. I am not a great preacher and need to get better,therefore I need to listen to my wife who loves Christ, me, and his church.
- It’s Good for You: I never remember this until I get home. I wish, I really wish this was a reflex. Constructive, pride-smashing criticism is good for me. When I push back it reminds me of my pride. When I accept it then I am reminded of the gospel, and that my standing is not based on my doing but Christ’s! This is good for me. Constructive, thoughtful feedback from my wife who loves me and the glory of Christ, is really good for me. I need to cherish these moments from my wife. She is speaking words of grace to me, which is, grace to me.
The bottom line: What I need to hear, I don’t want to hear. And what I want to hear, I don’t need to hear.
There is obviously more that could be said here, but hopefully this serves those who preach and teach during their drives home.
