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A Prayer for Freedom from Self-First-Ness

     I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, does not acknowledge our authority. So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church. 3 John 9-10

Dear Lord Jesus, how humbling… being chronicled in the Bible, by name, as someone “who loved being first”… ouch. I don’t know the circumstances, but Diotrephes’ story certainly invites me to look at mine. Jesus, please convict me and free me from the ways I too love to be first.

In my marriage—when I’m more aware of the things that bug me about my spouse, than I’m committed to encouraging and serving, listening to and loving her.

In my friendships—when my “need” to be remembered and appreciated, is more pronounced than my commitment to stay in touch with, pray for, and serve my friends.

In my vocation—when the people who work with me feel like I’m preoccupied with me and my success, than I’m committed to loving and serving as a member of a team.

In the general population—when I navigate through life with little eye contact, to-do-list driven, and no obvious effort to engage strangers.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. You didn’t consider your equality with God something to be held onto for personal gain. You’ve never loved to be first.

Rather, you emptied yourself by taking the very nature of a man—a servant man (Phil. 2:1-11), the promised Servant of the Lord (Isa. 52-53)—who served us by fulfilling all of the demands of God’s law, and by exhausting all of God’s judgment against our sin on the cross. Now, you ever live to serve us as our Advocate, Intercessor, and Bridegroom.

Your unimaginable humility, unparalleled servanthood, and immeasurable love, convict me to the core. Restore my first love for you, Lord Jesus, that my love for being first will decrease and die a thousand deaths. So very Amen I pray, in your merciful and matchless name.

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