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I used to collect comic books (if I bought one six months ago does that still count as “used to collect”?).  When I was a boy, there was an ol’ school pharmacy two blocks from my house.  It had the whole pharmacy/ice cream counter operation down pat.  Just inside the pharmacy was the rack of Marvel Comics.

I remember the day I discovered Power Man and Iron Fist.  I couldn’t believe what I was holding!  In those classic, somewhat washed out primary colors of comics of the time… there stood a Black superhero!  And my man could punch through anything!  Of course, he had anger issues–but, honestly, I didn’t know many brothers who didn’t–self included.  Luke Cage (just screams mixed martial arts, doesn’t it?) rocked an airfro, head band, and a heavy chain as a belt.  It was like he never left the 60s, and I was hooked!

During those years, I also enjoyed Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, and, later, X-Men.  So, one would think that recent years’ production of full-length films reviving these comic superheroes for another generation might be a great joy for me.  But, honestly, I’d have to say they’ve all thus far been colossal flops (I haven’t seen Captain America yet).

There’s one reason really.  All the heroes are essentially adolescent, irresponsible, and immoral.  There’s no “hero” in them.  They barely manage to be courageous, and out of costume most are essentially over-sexed mysogynists.

I realize that good literature refuses to keep everything nice and tidy, good kept to one side and evil to the other.  In great literature, tragic realities and horrific pasts give sometimes dark motivations to the noble hero.  And occasionally, even the villain has a streak of good running through them.

But to a one, these films have all disappointed me in their failure to depict any significant virtue.  Iron Man disappoints most of all.  I had hoped that between the first and second films, Stark would mature, be less materialistic, more considerate of life, and would learn to honor women.  What can I say?  He flat out failed.  There was nothing likable about him.  There was no reason to cheer for him other than the fact that his father’s former partner was a worse rat in some ways (and that only because we still hate betrayal more than we do materialism and philandering).  The rich philanderer is supposed to be cool.  The backstabber is a beast.  Stark/Iron Man could only look good standing next to a nemesis with no redeeming qualities.  We couldn’t even like him for incremental growth made between films.

Don’t even get me started on The Green Hornet.  The gratuitous profanity and the constant sexual innuendo reduced the “superhero” to an idiot frat boy.  It seems to writers were aiming for a little slap stick and classic batman corniness, but they missed horribly.  I think I laughed once during the film, and I was the only family member who would endure beyond the opening five minutes.  Justice, a classic theme, supposedly motivated these superheroes.  But their antics had nothing to do with justice.  Instead “justice” became the rouse for self- and celebrity-seeking antics.  The so-called heroes had no real integrity or character.  Again, they could not be cheered for as much as the “bad guys” were cheered against.  I pray no sequel gets made.

Thor managed to avoid the profanity and the in-your-face sexual antics and innuendos.  However, the execution of the “spoiled, privileged son taught a hard lesson to become a real hero” storyline left a lot to be desired.  In the end, Thor’s sacrifice ennobled and illustrated true love as he fought to save his father, his planet, and his evil brother by denying himself a chance at true love.  Compared to Iron Man and Green Hornet, Thor made the most moral progress.   We weren’t left with the sense that he truly wrestled with his own demons.  As a character, he simply took a giant step from self-absorbed, arrogant, violent prince to self-sacrificing, humble, peace-loving king.  But at least we could see genuine sacrifice demonstrated.

Wolverine was the only decent flick of the genre.  It was one fight scene after another.  Okay… I liked that.  And we came to understand where his anger issues came from–a psycho brother, a mercenary life replete with haunting ghosts, a brutally killed wife, and a host of clandestine government officials after his head.  He’s got issues because he’s got enemies.  He’s fueled by rage and revenge.  He’s the anti-superhero in so many ways, and that’s what ironically makes him a great superhero.  We get Wolverine and the movie makers did us a favor by putting him on the screen.

I can’t let my son, Titus, watch any of these films.  That’s sad given that the comic book characters the films pirate would have been easily digested by children.  And I’m wondering which of these heroes would be honorable mythic figures for my daughters to admire.  Most of the female roles in these films can be summed up with “Ooh, look at those abs!” and “Wow, you’re so wealthy and your car goes really fast” banality.  When can we have a solid super heroine on the big screen?  Soon please!

Most of these films assassinate the heroes.  Insofar as these movies replace that feeling of visiting the drug store to get a soda and check for the next comic installment, I shudder to think my son might ever visit the local video stores with hopes of purchasing/renting the latest Marvel comics-based movie.  He won’t be standing in wide-eyed wonder at the virtue and power of the protagonists.  He’ll be induced to a fuller display of depravity and indwelling sin.

These movies aren’t worth the buttered popcorn or the Blockbuster late charges.  Save your money.  Or better yet, buy the vintage comics themselves.

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