The attitude is all too common in Christian circles: “Just because I love him doesn’t mean I have to like him.” Usually, we use the phrase to justify our present relationships when confronted with Jesus’ unapologetic command to love even our enemies. We’re instructed to bless those who curse us, pray for those who abuse us, do good to those who hurt us.
Loving our enemies is a message just as hard to swallow today as it was 2000 years ago – and that’s why we try desperately to soften it.To accomplish this aim, we employ the “I don’t have to like him” argument as a cop-out, desperately seeking to evade Jesus’ hard teaching on selfless love. Most of the time, those who use the phrase don’t really even love the person in question. “Oh no!” we protest. “I do love my cousin, but I can’t come to like him, because his actions are intolerable.” Oh really? Maybe we haven’t learned the true meaning of “love,” or even “like” for that matter.
We have no record of Jesus and the apostles ever discussing “liking” people. The whole idea of “like” as a watered down, fuzzy feeling of companionship would have been completely foreign to the Bible writers’ mindset. They spoke only about love. But they never reduced “love” to a simple feeling of attraction. What’s more, love is never even described as being a feeling! The Bible presents love as a choice.
Check out Paul’s characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13. Every attribute involves acting out love, not feeling love for another person. Most certainly, Jesus would not have defined love as a “feeling of affection,” “being fond of” or even “polite respect” for others. When Jesus taught about love, He always described a conscious choice that led to action. John tells us Jesus “loved His disciples fully,” right before Jesus rolled up His sleeves and started washing their feet, even the feet of the one who would betray him! You don’t have to look further than Jesus to see how His teaching about loving one’s enemies can find its true expression.
Feelings of “love” are fleeting. Divorce runs rampant today because many couples assume they have “fallen out of love” just as naturally as they had fallen into it. This mistaken mindset relegates true love, God’s unconditional “agape” love, to a simple flutter of the heart. Jesus-love is not merely a feeling. It’s a choice that requires action. The love Jesus had for us did not just warm His heart. It led Him to a Roman cross.
The “I love him, but I don’t have to like him” phrase betrays our misunderstanding of the word like as well. When we say we love someone, but can’t bring ourselves to like them, we are implying that loving comes easier than liking. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? “Liking” someone, coming to a state of companionship or mutual respect and affection, should come much more naturally than “loving” someone. Love, the way God sees it, should never be easier to attain than “like.”
It’s time to expose the common misconceptions of love and abandon the ridiculous idea that “loving our enemy” simply means having a respect for a foe we continue to avoid at any cost. Jesus-love is not distant, cold and detached. We must also understand that loving our enemy means much more than just not retaliating. Loving is not in-action – the choice to not take revenge. Jesus-love moves us to good works, not just an absence of bad ones.
Jesus defines “love for enemies,” not in terms of whether or not we “like” our enemies, but in the way we respond to their abuse. Love goes above and beyond the call of non-retaliation; it actually answers by extending grace to those who don’t deserve it. Love responds with blessing to the one who has spouted out curses. Love prays for the one who is abusive. Love does good to those who mistreat you. Love finds something good to say about the one who can only find something bad to say about you. It’s not inaction. It’s not respect. It’s not distant. It’s not a feeling of “like.” Love is a choice that demands an action.
Jesus left no room for the “I don’t have to like them” excuse. He never said we have to “like” our enemies, nor do we have to approve of all they do. But once we think that “loving” the unlikable is easier than “liking” them, we have misunderstood what Jesus-love is all about. Love acts. It doesn’t just feel. Don’t worry about “liking” the unlikable. Concentrate on loving them.
written by Trevin Wax. © 2007 Kingdom People Blog
