Yesterday, we looked at Michael Emlet’s characterization of people needing counseling as saints, sufferers, or sinners.
The danger of ignoring or minimizing these categories is that we will fail to offer the proper counsel at the proper time. Instead, we will offer counsel that would be helpful in one situation and yet woefully inadequate in another.
Ignoring these categories would lead us to a “one-size-fits-all” approach to counseling, where we frequently turn to our favorite Bible passages to apply surface-level advice rather than getting to the roots of the issue.
According to Emlet, we use a weed-eater that takes care of symptoms but leaves the roots alone. By compartmentalizing the solution, we fail to bring people back to the great story of redemption (79).
Forgetting the Saint
Consider what happens when we ignore or minimize the “saint” aspect of a Christian’s life. We concentrate on what remains to be changed in the heart of the Christian. Our approach will tend toward a list of “do’s and don’ts.” We will tell people how to manage their suffering or how to confront their lingering sin.
If the person has a tender conscience and is struggling to accept God’s forgiveness of previous sins and failures, then pointing out ongoing sins that need to be confronted is not the best approach. We will be focused on the “not yet” aspect of redemption, without giving much attention to the “already” of Christ’s work for us. Imperatives from Scripture will displace the indicatives of salvation.
Emlet uses the example of a parent who is always focused on the character traits lacking in their children, rather than the character traits present. In other words, the focus is correcting children for doing wrong and rarely, if ever, praising children for doing right (80).
Affirming the evidences of grace in a person’s life is not a justification for ongoing sin or an excuse to persist in willful rebellion. Instead, it provides motivation and encouragement when we are tempted to despair.
When our eyes are set on our continuing struggle, we are less likely to bask in the glorious freedom we have in Christ. It may seem counterintuitive, but it is true: failure to affirm the “already” aspect of our salvation will slow down our progress in the “not yet” of sanctification.
Forgetting the Sufferer
Consider what happens when we ignore the “suffering” aspect of a Christian’s life. We will concentrate on the role the person has played in bringing about their suffering, not the external forces that are coming against them. Our approach will “minimize sin committed against them and maximize sin they commit” (80). The person requesting counseling is crying for help, but we will fail to hear the cry and instead respond with a posture of judgment.
It is true that the causes for suffering are complex and can rarely be reduced to purely external circumstances or purely internal sins. This makes the “suffering” category somewhat difficult to define.
Are there elements of the suffering that are caused by a person’s own failures? Usually, yes.
Are there elements of the suffering caused by external circumstances beyond a person’s control? Usually, yes.
Rarely is our suffering caused solely by our sin or solely by outside circumstances, particularly when the suffering is expressed in the breakdown of relationships.
Still, it is wise to begin with an attempt to connect with a person’s experience as a sufferer before confronting their remaining sin. Connect first; confront later. Why? Because the confrontation will be even more powerful and persuasive if the person is convinced that the counselor has connected with their pain and understands their sorrowful circumstances.
Emlet uses the example of an “angry, blame-shifting man” he once counseled. Perceiving that this man would not return for another counseling session, Emlet “let him have it with both barrels” and “lobbed mortar after mortar of biblical truth to blow up his self-oriented ways of living” (80).
After this experience, Emlet’s teacher criticized his approach and recommended that he prioritize connecting with the man at the experiential level before dealing with the other issues. Ignoring the category of sufferer can cause the counselor to minimize the very issues that have led the person to seek help in the first place.
Forgetting the Sinner
Consider what happens when we ignore the “sinner” aspect of a Christian’s life. We may coddle a person when they need to be confronted. We may lead a person to think that all their pain and suffering is caused by outside forces or other people.
Ironically, in the attempt to empathize and make a person feel better about themselves or their situation, we denigrate them by implicitly denying their identity as responsible image-bearers who are accountable to God. Emlet writes:
“We do people no favors when we overlook their self-destructive (and others-destructive) patterns” (81).
In too many counseling sessions, pastors are reticent to point out remaining sin in a person’s life for fear of offending them and causing them to not return. Unfortunately, the failure to confront sin leads to superficial sessions that fail to address the root problems of one’s suffering.
It is common to see prominent pastors in magazines or television interviews who treat viewers as if they are merely “saints” or “sufferers,” but rarely “sinners.” Such advice may make for compelling television, but it fails to address the heart issues behind many of our struggles.
