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Pikes_Peak_from_Garden_of_the_GodsPikes Peak. July 1999. 14,115 feet above sea level.

I remember the freshness of the air and the exhilaration of the accomplishment. We spent all day hiking to that summit in the Rockies, and upon arriving at the top, I was overcome with a deeply satisfying sense of exhaustion.

I’m thinking about Pikes Peak because, this week, I’m taking the written portion of my comprehensive exams as a PhD student at Southeastern Seminary. Today and tomorrow, I’ll spend several hours writing essays in response to various questions, and next week, I’ll defend those answers before a group of professors.

In conversations with friends who’ve scaled this summit, I’ve realized that the “comps” experience is different for everyone. Some told me that studying for these exams was the most taxing part of the PhD process, even more difficult than writing the dissertation. Others claimed the preparation phase is part of the fun, and that it’s a good opportunity to discern where you are in your overall education.

I’ll soon figure out which group I agree with. In just a few hours, I’ll be in a room with a couple pieces of scrap paper and a computer. It’ll be me, my brain, and my Bible. And when the professor hands me the questions, I’ll be praying for the Holy Spirit to bring to mind the many things I’ve studied. Right now, I feel these four emotions.

Anxious

After you’ve read dozens of required textbooks, after you’ve been in intensive seminars, after you’ve written thousands of words and delivered multiple papers in a given field of study, you can’t help but want to do well, to show that you’ve actually learned something during this time of preparation.

The anxiety sneaks in through nagging questions: Do you really know this subject well? Can you write convincingly? Can you show that you’ve learned?

Relieved

Anxiety is met with relief. Relief in knowing there’s not a lot more you can do to prepare for these exams. You can’t cram for them. You either know your field well enough to write in it, or you don’t.

Like a politician who has been working hard for months (or years), you’re experiencing Election Day. All that matters is in the past. This is the moment for you to do well or come up short. So now, you sit back, stare at that computer, and demonstrate through your writing where you are in the educational process.

Grateful

I’m grateful to friends and family for bearing with all the theological conversations. I’m grateful especially for Corina and what she has done to enable and assist me on this journey so far, even when the demands have been difficult.

Students like to commiserate about seminar requirements or the tediousness of studying for exams. The camaraderie of the trenches is part of the educational experience. But surely we must ask: Who are we to have been given the privilege of scaling these peaks? Why us and not others? What a glorious gift of grace to be able to study this way!

We have more knowledge at our fingertips than most great men and women of faith had in their entire libraries. And with English as our first language, we have more opportunities to access vast amounts of accumulated knowledge than do many people in other parts of the world. What a gift!         

Challenged

With that sense of gratitude comes the challenge. How can we show our gratitude for these opportunities? What will we do with all this knowledge? Are we wiser than those who have gone before us? Are we better people because of what we’ve learned? 

“To whom much is given, much is required,” Jesus said. The challenging aspect of that statement holds true for those of us pursuing higher education. It’s not about titles or book deals or academic respectability. It’s about the church. Ben Witherington is right:

“Research by a Christian is never done just for its own sake, or even just to advance knowledge in a given field. It is done in service to the Lord and to his church.”

Conclusion

To those of you who read my blog, would you pray for me this week?

Pray that I’ll make much of Christ as I take these exams. Pray that I’ll do excellent work in His honor. And pray that, having scaled this peak, I’ll take a deep breath, give thanks to God for the privilege, and serve His people better.

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