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WDTBRTAHIt’s been a mad dash, but I’m almost done with the book. I’m working with Crossway to finish up the editing process in the next two weeks. Lord willing, What Does the Bible Really Teach About Homosexuality? will be released in April. Here’s an excerpt from a chapter entitled “It’s Not Fair.”


I don’t deny these [verses about refraining from sexual intimacy] are hard sayings for people with same-sex desires and for their friends and family. Jesus had a fondness for saying hard things. He told his disciples it was not enough to simply confess the right things about the Messiah. If they were to be true disciples, they had to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow him (Matt. 16:17, 23, 24). Try to save your life, and you’ll lose it. Be willing to lose your life, and you’ll find it (v. 25). The grace which leads us to say yes to our great God and Savior Jesus Christ also demands that we say no to ungodliness and worldly passions (Titus 2:11-14).

Dying to self is the duty of every follower of Christ. I have my own struggles, my own sins, and my own suffering. We all do. We have all been distorted by original sin. We all show signs of “not the way things are supposed to be.” We all groan for the redemption of our bodies (Rom. 8:23). We all long for cre­ation to be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God (v. 21). This does not minimize the struggle of those who experience same-sex attraction, but it is does maximize the ways in which we are more alike than different. Grief and groaning, longing and lament, sorrowful yet always rejoicing—it’s the life we live be­tween two worlds. The church has long known about the pain of persecution, infertility, betrayal, injustice, addiction, famine, depression, and death. The church is just beginning to learn about the pain of living with unwanted same-sex attraction. For a growing number of Christians it is part of their cross to bear.

And it should not be carried alone. Singleness—and that will be the path of obedience for many who experience same-sex attraction—does not mean you must live alone, die alone, never hold a hand, never have a hug, and never know the touch of another human being. If we ask the single Christian to be chaste, we can only ask them to carry that cross in community. Perhaps single is not even the best term for those whom we expect live a full life in the midst of friends and colaborers. If God sets the lonely in families, so should we (Ps. 68:6 NIV). There is no reason the dire scenes painted by the revisionist side must be realized. With openness about the struggle and open­ness toward the struggler, those Christians in our midst who experience same-sex attraction need not be friendless, helpless, and hopeless.

But, of course, none of this can be possible without uproot­ing the idolatry of the nuclear family, which holds sway in many conservative churches. The trajectory of the New Testament is to relativize the importance of marriage and biological kinship. A spouse and a minivan full of kids on the way to Disney World is a sweet gift and a terrible god. If everything in Christian com­munity revolves around being married with children, we should not be surprised when singleness sounds like a death sentence.

If that’s the church’s challenge, what’s needed in the wider culture is a deep demythologizing of sex. Nothing in the Bible encourages us to give sex the exalted status it has in our culture, as if finding our purpose, our identity, and our fulfillment all rest on what we can or cannot do with our private parts. Jesus is the fullest example of what it means to be human, and he never had sex. How did we come to think that the most intense emotional attachments and the most fulfilling aspects of life can only be expressed with sexual intimacy?

In the Christian vision of heaven, there is no marriage in the blessed life to come (Luke 20:34-35). Marital intimacy is but a shadow of a brighter, more glorious reality, the marriage of Jesus Christ to his bride, the church (Rev. 19:6-8). If sexual intimacy is nothing up there, how can we make it to be every­thing down here? It would be terribly unfair for the church to tell those with same-sex desires that they are not fully human and cannot pursue a fully human life. But if the summum bonum of human existence is defined by something other than sex, the hard things the Bible has to say to those with same-sex desires is not materially different from the hard things he has to say to everyone else.

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40 thoughts on “Putting Sex in Perspective”

  1. Erica says:

    “the hard things the Bible has to say to those with same-sex desires is not materially different from the hard things he has to say to everyone else.”
    Do you have examples of the other hard things?

  2. Ben Finger says:

    My initial response when seeing that Kevin DeYoung is publishing a book on homosexuality was simply to say oh no. To be honest, in the past what he and other individuals from his church have written on this subject I have found it to be very discouraging. I am an evangelical who is committed into upholding a traditional sexual ethic, but I am also an individual who experiences samesex attractions and committed to a life of celibacy. The impression I have taken away up til now was that Kevin most likely would not welcome me as a brother but instead as the an enemy who must be combated. In short, I perceived Kevin as another individual who would say the good news of Jesus Christ does not extend to people like me who have a strong samesex attraction.

    The excerpt of his new book provided above is causing me to rethink the perception I previously had of Kevin DeYoung. I am now anxiously awaiting to read this text. If what is written in this excerpt is any indication of the text, then very likely I was wrong. Here is to hoping that I was wrong.

  3. Ron says:

    This is the paragraph we needed at the dawn of the evangelical divorce/re-marriage revolution.

    “Nothing in the Bible encourages us to give sex the exalted status it has in our culture, as if finding our purpose, our identity, and our fulfillment all rest on what we can or cannot do with our private parts. Jesus is the fullest example of what it means to be human, and he never had sex. How did we come to think that the most intense emotional attachments and the most fulfilling aspects of life can only be expressed with sexual intimacy?”

    John Piper is one of very few evangelical/Reformed leaders who take a hard biblical line about remarriage. It seems that even our evangelical culture has adopted the belief that everyone is entitled to a sex life. It makes me wonder if the Church would have had a 50 year head start on loving those with same sex attraction (and asking them to live a celibate life) if we weren’t so quick to bless every second, third, and fourth marriages.

  4. anaquaduck says:

    Its a pretty good perspective & dynamic with a lot of stuff going on.

    Marriage like practically anything else can become an idol, sex, status, money & children, etc, etc. By loving God first & foremost & looking to Christ as our guide should keep us on the same holy page.

    Looking at the different struggles of those who lived by faith in Scripture can be a great encouragement when we see the Lord’s grace in their lives as they wrestled with sin & obedience as He called them to holiness.

    We have just begun a Bible study series on Daniel which touched on his introduction to the Babylonian mega culture with its many enticements….many similarities of todays modern world.

  5. Kevin DeYoung says:

    Hi Ben. I’m grateful for your comments. I hope the book hits the right note of grace and truth, cultural engagement and pastoral sensitivity, I certainly don’t want to communicate that the good news of Jesus Christ does not extend to those with same-sex attraction. Thanks for giving the book a try.

  6. LoriJo Schepers says:

    So well written, so timely, so needed.
    I want to preorder dozens of copies of the book…..tell me how.

  7. Colin says:

    I usually dislike just about everything DeYoung posts on this issue, but this is the first post that I think actually can create some constructive dialogue between LGBT-affirming and non-affirming Christians.

  8. Lucy says:

    Such a great word for this heterosexual single as well. We are indeed all more alike than different in our struggle with purity.

  9. Bob says:

    We are ALL sexually sinful. All categories. Let that sink in, both “sides”. All categories, repent and believe.

  10. Nathan says:

    Well said Kevin! As a side note, I would suggest a brighter cover and design.

  11. Joy says:

    You are absolutely and gracefully right! Thank you, Don, for your words. I wanted to say the same! I don’t think it’s too late to address the Church-justified revolution of divorce/remarriage, and for the sake of all Christians who encounter divorce and consider remarriage, I wish someone would!

  12. matt says:

    If some wild-eye middle eastern man came up to me and said, “people in gay relationships deserve to be tortured in the most terrible ways.” I would think he was a member of ISIS and leave as quickly as possible.

    When this same thing happens to Kevin DeYoung (by way of the Bible) his response is, “I agree! An eternity of torture seems like a perfectly reasonable, fitting, and just punishment for someone who has built a life with a person that they love. In fact, I agree with you so much I’ll write a book about it.”

    That is a seriously screwed up morality, and I don’t think anyone should look to Kevin for advice on this issue.

  13. Cody says:

    How do you know what kind of eyes the writers of the Bible had? (I, myself, do not know what kind of eyes the members of ISIS have but perhaps you have seen pictures.)

  14. Devin says:

    You are a fucking asshole.

  15. Ralph says:

    You know what’s great? Christian homophobia is turning younger people away in droves as they realize the obscenity of Christian theology. Enjoy your steady march toward irrelevance, bigots.

  16. Paul Reed says:


    “this is the first post that I think actually can create some constructive dialogue between LGBT-affirming and non-affirming Christians.”

    Either you’re trolling, or you’re very simple-minded. There’s no “third way”. You really think the gays are going to welcome this? Seriously? Imagine somebody said to you, “I think we should welcome people with heterosexual attractions, but they must remain single for ever, and must deny all their heterosexual urges for life”.

  17. Paul Reed says:


    “I don’t deny these [verses about refraining from sexual intimacy] are hard sayings for people with same-sex desires and for their friends and family.”

    This sounds a lot like the bit “I’m not against gays — God is.”

  18. Ben Finger says:

    Wow. Some of the previous replies have gotten pretty heated pretty fast. Also a number of the above comments seems like to be adventures in missing the point.

    I am a Christian. I am an evangelical. I am a gay man. I am individual committed to celibacy. Like Kevin, I hold to a traditional understanding of Christian sexual ethics.

    There are many LGBTQ or whatever descriptor you want to use for us that hold to the belief that God does not bless sexual relations between two individuals. We also believe we can live fulfilled live that refrain from sex in Jesus. Yes, that dreaded thing that make people’s eye balls pop out of their head: celibacy. This choice by gay people to refrain from sex due to their faith is not something new. We are Christians who happen to have samesex attractions and aren’t really bothered by it. We truly believe our focus should be on Jesus. If you want to look up more on this do a search for “side b” which was a term originally termed on I believe from the defunct site called Bridges Across the Divide.

    But yes, there are LGBTQ people like me who believe the call of Jesus is one of costly discipleship. We believe strongly that God is calling all of us, no matter our sexual orientation, gender or race back to Him. God is not against me as a gay man. God is for me as a Christian because of Jesus. This is the reason why I lay my life down for the hope of the Gospel. The gospel really is good news, full of joy and wonder, for all who choose to believe. The cost is high, but Jesus is worth it.

    Personally I am very excited for the upcoming release of Kevin’s book. Hopefully it will be available on Amazon in an ebook format. Very excited for it. Based upon the above, it looks like he may have some good things to say.

  19. Matt says:

    Kevin seems to think that god is going to be just thrilled when throngs 80 & 90 year old gay virgins start showing up at the pearly gates. I don’t think the god of the universe is going to have the reaction that Kevin thinks he’s going to have ….and if he does, it’s a little bit creepy.

  20. matt says:


    Thanks for sharing your story. Here’s mine.

    I spent many years of my adolescence thinking that I would do the same thing that you’re doing. But at some point my ideas shifted. I met my partner John 25 years ago and we’ve been together ever since. I am so thankful and blessed to have him as part of my life. Our 22 year old son (who we co-parented with a lesbian couple) is now a senior in college. A robust sex life is one of many facets of our relationship. It is inconceivable to me that god would want to torture us for this relationship.

    You said that you’re committed to celibacy. Can I ask what your parameters are? Do you (like Tony Campolo) think that it’s ok for gay men to form intimate long-term loving relationships with other gay men that include a significant physical side (kissing, holding hands, cuddling, sleeping together, back rubs, etc) but are non-sexual? Or you think that celibate gays need to be more chaste than non-married heterosexual couples (many of whom would see no problem in doing the things that I’ve listed)?

    Kevin seems to be hinting at these parameters when he says, “same-sex attraction—does not mean you must live alone, die alone, never hold a hand, never have a hug, and never know the touch of another human being.”

  21. matt says:


    One more question:

    From the little I can tell, you seem happily celibate, …..but what about gay Christians who are miserably celibate?

    The way that I figure it, if anyone should be able to succeed at celibacy it should be Catholic priests. They have all the advantages: 1) they are especially called by god to celibacy 2) they are self-selected to a life of celibacy (they went out of their way to choose it). 3) They have a supportive community with a long and rich tradition of celibacy. 4) They have a strong religious faith. 5) Celibacy is part of their cultural identity.

    And yet Catholic priests fail all the time. We only read about the pedophiles, but for every priest messing around with a child there must be 20 priests that are having consensual sex with an adult.

    The average gay man who doesn’t have those advantages is likely to fair even worse. What about those guys? Do you think that a faithful gay guy can NEVER look at his life and say, “It’d be better for me as a human and as a Christian if I just settled down and married a guy, than to continue to live like this.”

    Can’t a faithful gay Christian say, “I know it’s better not to be married, but it’s better to marry than to burn with passion.” …..hmmmmmm I seem to remember St. Paul saying pretty much that same thing.

  22. Cody says:

    May I just say that a lot of the anit-DeYoung comments have more of an angry and irrational tone than the anti-homosexuality comments? Kevin DeYoung seems to feel sorry for people whom he believes are doomed to either a life of celibacy or a life of immorality because of what he believes to be their perverse passions. Not seeing any sympathy for Kevin DeYoung in his detractors.
    I should clarify that I have no doubt there are people who believe Kevin DeYoung’s views are evil (just as believes about their’s) and who feel sorry for him. I’m just saying they leave fewer comments. Doubtless they are too mature to waste their time arguing with random people on the internet. In that respect they have proven themselves my superiors.

  23. Ralph says:

    Well, Cody, let’s hear you, Kevin, or anyone explain precisely why consensual, monogamous sex between two adults is immoral without invoking the imaginary disapproval of a supreme being. Until you can do that, your bigotry, though wrapped up in religious belief and convoluted rationalization, continues to be bigotry.

  24. Cody says:

    Let me congratulate you on pointing out the root issue Ralph! DeYoung’s position is grounded in his Christianity. You should try to dismantle that instead of harping on the symptoms. (BTW the reason I’m not putting up an argument for Christianity is that I know it won’t convince you. Feel free to put up an argument for atheism. There are many you could us. Frankly though you’re pathetic if you think blog comments will change the lives of anyone.

  25. Ben Finger says:


    Thank you for sharing your story.

    In regards to my celibacy, the choice I have made for myself is to forgo ever having a partner. I have many dear friends who are in committed relationships with a person of the samesex and are committed to refraining from sex. There deep friendship and love one another spur each other on in the faith. I am happy for them. I am so blessed to have them as friends and to count the cost of the faith with them. As for myself I do not see myself ever being a committed relationship with another person. I know myself well enough to know that I would lack the discipline not to let it escalate. So my choice in attempting to follow Jesus the best way I know how and to stay committed to the traditional teachings of the church is to refrain from a committed intimate relationship with another person.

    I guess this leads into another question of how do I maintain the close intimacy we as humans so desperately need. I am absolutely blessed to have wonderful friends. These are people that spur me on in my faith and in my life. Yes there are days when I do miss having someone being by my side. The pain of it is real and it is costly. But I really do believe Jesus is worth it. I am so thankful for the community of the church and my friends who are as family to me in it. Community is a big part of how I live in my pursuit of Jesus. I could not imagine living this life outside of the context of a community of believers. Christ in his church and through his church transforms celibacy being some sort of dreadful thing into a thing of life that is not something maintainable but a life that flourishes.

    As to a degree of sexual expression that is suitable. Honestly I think that is something that each individual has to work out and to explore. Personally I think my sexuality is something that flourishes in me in a very healthy way. I don’t think we need to be afraid of our desires. I do think we need to make sure that we orient them that they are best aligned in worshipping Christ. For example, I am totally fine that there are times that I am attracted to other guys. For the longest of time I attempted to block any sort of attraction with others. This left me as a very depressed individual and I found myself cutting myself off from people more and more each day. Then one day I realized that I was not allowing a part of me to be in submission to God. I needed to put all of me, even my sexual desires under submission. So in exploring that I began to use my attractions. So now if I find someone attractive, I make an effort to get to know them as a person. It is so much easier to love on someone with the love of Christ if you allow yourself to get to know them. It also helps you not to objectify them but to see them as the beautiful person that God made them to be. This reorienting of the eros as a means to appreciate the beauty of others has been so liberating. I can not begin to exclaim the number of wonderful friendships that have been built.

    Do gay men need to be more chaste than a straight guy? Chastity is an interesting thing. If we are working with the Roman Catholic understanding of it, which by the way they have such a great understanding of how virtues give life through Christ, then no. Chastity is supposed to be something liberating. I know that sounds weird right? There really is a sort of liberty in limitations. No matter who we are, we are all called to live a chaste life. Without chastity none of us would have a healthy sexuality. Check out this link for a really good explanation on chastity:

    To pick up on living and dieing alone part of your previous comment. I absolutely 100% we are not called to be alone. We as Christians are called to live in community. A deep abiding community where we live as family to one another. Though I may never have a spouse, in Christ I have been a given a wonderful family. There are children I am graced to be able to speak into their lives. I get to be that special uncle who loves on them profously. I do miss that I will never have children of my own, but that’s something I don’t see in the cards for me. There are also other people who I am able to raise up into the faith and they look to me. I guess in a sense I get to be a father to them as they come along in the faith. But no we are not called to be alone. My life and my faith flourishes because of my belief and the gift of community he has given us in the church.

    Now to answer your question of the happy and the celibate. Its all about orienting yourself and choosing where you are going to find joy in this life. There are days I may go through about of depression, but the joy of the Lord is always with me. When I came to the decision in my mid 20s that I was not going to live a life of sin but choose Jesus, yeah it was miserably rough for a bit. But Christ continued to change me day by day, and it wasn’t easy. I still have a long way to grow. And absolutely yes growing in holiness is incredibly rough, but it is also awesome! I had to learn I had to take it one day at a time, just like the scriptures says. Each day really does have enough worry of its own. So to the gay who is miserable, I would encourage them to look to Jesus and it will get better. Find yourself a community that supports you and love you. When you don’t have the strength to follow Jesus or you find its hard to be joyful, call on your brothers and sisters in the faith. Let their joy give you strength and joy in Jesus. Let them bring the light of Christ into your life. We cannot do this journey alone. When you are having it rough there is no other name but Jesus to call on. Find Jesus in his people and delight in him. There is so much for us to be thankful for, and sometimes we can be so self focused its easy to forget. So to the miserable person who is having it rough I would encourage them not to give up, there is joy and hope in Christ and that they do not have to do this alone. I would also encourage them to be open and seek to be understood. Allow others to share the pain with you and to share the joy that are in their lives.

    When you wrote, “The average gay man who doesn’t have those advantages is likely to fair even worse. What about those guys? Do you think that a faithful gay guy can NEVER look at his life and say, “It’d be better for me as a human and as a Christian if I just settled down and married a guy, than to continue to live like this.”” My first thoughts are that we must never give into sin and we must never declare ourselves to be an authority above the Scriptures and Church tradition. Now with that being said that this is me being rather presumptious to think those two guys are probably going to have sexual relations with each other. That doesn’t have to be. I have many of friends in one particular online community who are in a chaste celibate relationship with a person of the samesex. Some were in a relationship and then came to Jesus, at which point they choose to live a celibate life. Others were single and fell in love with each other, but choose to commit to each other in deep friendship as they live a life of celibacy.

    I guess a lot of what I am writing here is that in order for a Christian to make it, it is really beneficial for them no matter who you are or where you are to be in community. I know I grow best in Christian community. I would also like to say it is important for gay Christians to find other Christians like them as to relate too. Sometimes the straight folks don’t seem to get us. They treat us as if we are some sort of cross-cultural mission. All I want to be to them is a brother, but sometimes its hard for them to see. I also do understand some of the things I may go through or experience, they will never understand because they don’t go through it. That’s why its so important to be in a diverse community of believers. One of the things I am looking forward to this year is that this Fall a bunch of celibate gay Christians from various Christian faith traditions will be gathering together for a retreat to support one another in the faith. I have to admit I really do look forward to the chance each year to get around other gay Christians and share life. I am so thankful that on this journey of faith that I am not doing it alone but surrounded by such a wonderful community. Christ has been so good to me. I am so thankful for his church.

    Ben Finger

  26. Bekah says:

    I do worry about the singular narrative. While the book sounds like it makes encouraging strides, I wonder if there is room yet in the dialog for people like me who are seeking to obey traditional Scriptural teaching and who are members of non-affirming churches, but who identify as lesbian, have found the SSA language mentally and emotionally damaging, and don’t characterize their orientation as “unwanted” or interaction with their orientation to be a struggle. There needs to be room for everyone.

    What I do struggle with are implications of submitting to traditional church teaching as a gay person. The reason why that’s a struggle is because there is so little understanding in non-affirming churches and from my seat, even less of an attempt to understand. We only seem to be accepted if we use the right rhetoric and distance ourselves from affirming or non-Christian LGBTQ people. What we need in non-affirming churches right now–more than we need community–are allies. Allies listen and learn and then support in light of listening and learning. Allies would accept our descriptions of self and reality without seeking to correct our language. Allies would seek to understand before they would judge if we decided to pursue celibacy in partnership with anther individual. Allies would help us find space in traditional churches where we belong, even if we have to get a little creative to make it work.

    I hope this book points people in that direction. But I won’t hold my breath.

  27. Ralph says:

    Cody, by all means continue to spew your toxic drivel on this issue – it can only continue to marginalize you and your ilk.

  28. Cody says:

    Umm I actually gave you advice on how to argue your case. I’m tempted to post something agreeing with you to test whether or not you’re reading anything anyone writes anymore. You didn’t directly respond to a single sentence I wrote. Oh well….

  29. Meredith says:

    Kevin – looking forward to a good read of truth and love.

    For truth-seekers and Christians may I recommend “Loving My (LGBT) Neighbor” by Glenn T. Stanton. About half-way through he writes “homosexuality won’t get you into hell and heterosexuality won’t get you into heaven”.

    And yes, “Compassion Without Compromise” by Adam Barr and Ron Citlau is an excellent testimony of transformation – a Christian’s identity is in Christ alone.

    Many Christians may not be “affirming” but those born again of the Spirit are “loving”. True Christians are also loving to those who would call them bigots or homophobic or intolerant. The Bible is particularly singular as to an appropriate sexual relationship, a man and a woman in marriage. And the Quran? “Lot said to his people, “You commit such an abomination; no one in the world has done it before! You practice sex with men, instead of the women. Indeed, you are a transgressing people.” ( Quran 7:80-82, see also 27:54-56 )

    A true test of Christian Love may come when we are asked to protect our “gay” neighbor(s) from death at the hands of hateful and intolerant peoples and religions.

  30. matt says:


    > “Lot said to his people, “You commit such an abomination; no one in the world has done it before!

    It’s interesting how quickly Lot undermines his own credibility.

    It reminds me of the time in 2007 when Iraqi president made the claim at Columbia University that there were no gay people in Iraq. The students laughed. I think that’s the perfect response.

    > no one in the world has done it before!


  31. matt says:


    You, or I, or Glenn Stanton might agree that, “homosexuality won’t get you into hell” but as recently as the World Vision same-sex marriage reversal Kevin DeYoung made it very clear that he believes that being in a same sex marriage will absolutely land you in hell for eternity.

  32. matt says:


    I don’t mean to overload you, but you said so many interesting things that I wanted to respond to.

    > A true test of Christian Love may come when we are asked to protect our “gay” neighbor(s) from death at the hands of hateful and intolerant peoples and religions.

    This true test is not some future event. At this moment in Uganda gay people are being persecuted by intolerant peoples and religions. Rather than protecting the gay neighbors, many American Christians are turning a blind eye or even aiding the abuse.

    My mom and Kevin DeYoung’s Dad are both on the board of the radio ministry called Words of Hope which has programming in Uganda. Rather than helping gays, they have provided a platform for Bishop Orombi who has alternatively called for criminal sanctions against gay people (including supporting the kill the gays bill) or remained silent.

    If this is the true test of Christian Love, our parents (mine and Kevin’s) are failing.

  33. matt says:


    That’s quite a story! Thanks again for sharing.

    Although it sounds like having a partner and child aren’t in your plans, you seem very supportive of your friends who have passionate and intimate committed relationships but who choose not to have sex.

    Do you think it’s OK for them to adopt children? Is it OK for them to provide their families the legal protections offered by civil marriage?

    Thanks again,


  34. Jonathan B. says:

    As an individual in the same situation as Ben, I echo his sentiments completely. Also, I appreciated Ron’s comment at the top.

  35. Ben Finger says:


    To be honest I do not know if there is a right answer to that. There is definitely nothing clear cut from Scripture that would comment on it. Once again I think its probably one of those situations where individuals, whether they live alone or in a relationship, need to seek guidance from the Holy Spirit on it.

    Personally I would be excited fro them. Providing a home for a child is an amazing and godly thing, especially if you are called to do so.



    PS The United States current system for marriage is so messed up, I don’t even want to really venture into that water for comments.

  36. Ben Finger says:


    Also in regards to raising a child, yes if I had the opportunity and had more income coming in; then I would be all about fostering or adopting. At the current moment, my income is not enough to support two individuals. This is the primary reason why there is no child in my life at the moment. I am ok with it. Its something that is not in the cards for me at the moment. I am really blessed though to have so many friends who welcome me into their families. I get to be multiple times a week that adopted uncle who loves on the children profusely, sneaking them candies, telling them how much Jesus love them, playing chase in the backyard and so much more. It doesn’t get rid of the deep longing in my heart to be a father, but I do get to experience the blessings of a child in another way.



  37. Meredith says:


    homosexuality is of two parts – orientation/temptation and behavior/acting out. The “falling” to temptation and acting out without repentance is the dangerous part. But I believe that every one of us, “the least of these”, may yet experience grace if we would fall unknowingly to false teaching and false teachers (sadly, that and those within the church!) I refer to Matthew 18:6 – “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”

    Is not Uganda populated equally Christian and Muslim? The proposed death penalty is unreasonably harsh and Christopher Yuan (book “Out of A Far Country”) sent a letter on behalf of Christians opposing the death penalty – Christopher, a “gay” man, now identifies with Christ and now lives a celibate life and promotes what he calls “Holy Sexuality”; that is one flesh of one man and one woman in marriage, or celibacy.

    If you are “Christian” – Would you die for your identity in Christ? Would you die for your sexual identity?

    In Christ Alone >

  38. JR says:

    WORD. Preach it brother! Amen and amen. This IS the call of the 21st Century Christian Church. My sentiments completely (put into much better language, of course!) You have nailed it perfectly. I can say from experience that people on both sides of the issue will find this amazing and life-giving Truth hard to swallow, because it will rock their core values. But it needs to happen!!!! Thank you, brother!

  39. JR says:

    Put me in with Ben, Jonathan, and Ron. We need this. Too much compromise coming from well-meaning folks. I’m all for listening to people’s stories and experience, by they should not be teaching the Church some new theology or attempting to lead us into some post-modern revision of Biblical truth. Again, thanks, Kevin.

  40. Hupo says:

    “From the Jewish world in the Old and New Testaments to the early church to the Middle Ages to the Reformation and into the 20th century, the church has understood the Bible to teach that engaging in homosexuality activity was among the worst sins a person could commit.” This is what Kevin DeYoung wrote in another post about 5 questions Christians should ask about gay marriage. Does he think homosexual behavior is the worst sin a person could commit? If he does then he might as well tell every Christian who deals with same sex attraction to not let the door hit them on the way out. I find it rather amazing that people who have never dealt with same sex attraction are always the ones who write the books about it. I don’t know Kevin DeYoung, nor do I know what the church culture is like in the church in which he serves, but it is really easy for someone who has no idea what same sex attraction is like to say that they have to be celibate. I know what the Scriptures teach, but it sounds pretty horrible to someone who deals with same sex attraction to read that homosexual activity is one of the worst sins a person can commit. How does that love someone?

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Kevin DeYoung

Kevin DeYoung is the senior pastor at Christ Covenant Church in Matthews, North Carolina. He is chairman of the board of The Gospel Coalition, assistant professor of systematic theology at Reformed Theological Seminary (Charlotte), and a PhD candidate at the University of Leicester. Kevin and his wife, Trisha, have seven children. You can follow him on Twitter.

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