One more forwarded to me from Fred:

Application To Date My Daughter

1.  Name_________________________ Date of Birth____________

2.  Height _________ Weight________ IQ________ GPA________

3.  Social Security # ______________ Driver’s licence #__________

4.  Boy Scout Rank_____________________________________

5.  Home Address_____________ City/State ____________ Zip____

6.  Do you have one male and one female parent? ____________

If no, explain answer _________________________________

7.  Number of years parents married ________________________

8.  Do you own a van? _______ A truck with oversized tires?______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _______ Do you have a tattoo?_________ (if yes to any of #8, discontinue application and leave the premises)

9.  In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? ____________ ____________________________________________________.

10. In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER!”  mean to you? __________________________________________________________.

11. Church you attend _______________ How often do you attend? ______________________

12. When is the best time to interview you father, mother, and bishop?  Father ____________ Mother___________   Bishop__________

13. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer all questions freely, all answers are confidential (that means I won’t tell anyone ever — promise)

A. If I were shot, the last place I would want to be wounded is in the __________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ____________

C. A woman’s place is in the _________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is________________________________________

E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is ______________

14. What do you want to be “if” you grow up? ________________

15. Are you willing to wear an electronic tracking device? _______

I swear all information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, crucifixion, electrocution, Chinese water torture, and red hot pokers.

Signature ________________________

Thank-you for you interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.  You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases.

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22 thoughts on “An Application for Dating My Daughter”

  1. zac says:

    whats wrong with earrings or tattoos? what century do you come from again? get with the times, its the freaking 21st century, if he was gay, he wouldn’t be dating your daughter, he’d be dating your son.

    1. Steve says:

      Lighten up Zac. He probably would let his daughter date someone with tattoos or body piercings before he let’s her date uptight guys with no sense of humor.

      1. Dan says:

        Zac, you sound like the reason these kinds of applications exist!

  2. Boaly says:

    Absolutely brilliant.
    I’m printing this out and filing it in an envelope to be opened when my daughter (currently 6months) is about 30 (the age she’s allowed to date at)

    1. Nath says:

      30 is the age you allow her to start to date? By then the guys that are left will be so weird that you’ll need an even tougher screen than this. I am back on furlough from Africa and just got bumped into the 30’s singles class at church. It is a strange crew. Forget this, I’m getting back to the mission field ASAP. (BTW, I am a 30 year old guy.)

      1. I’m sure the “30 is the age to date” thing was a joke, Nath. As a 35 y/o father to 8, with 5 of them being daughters, I can relate. I tell that to my daughters all the time.

        Actually, after reading Josh Harris on dating, we’re a courting family.

  3. Gina Zaspel says:

    As Fred Zaspel’s daughter……I love it! Now the whole “4-6 years for processing” part might be a tad extreme but I still like it! :)

  4. Terry says:

    Very funny! I’m glad I’m already married. I would never make it past the application!

  5. Andre says:

    The coolest application I ever read. I love it and will surely use it when my daughter has the special age. Thank you from Germany.

  6. Demetrius says:

    Hello, Mr Anyabwile I appreciate this article however I wanted to ask this question. Has anyone in the african american community who is a solid man of God addressed the bishop Eddie Long situation.

    1. Thabiti Anyabwile says:

      Hi Demetrius,
      Pastor Eric Redmond of Reformation Alive Baptist Church in Maryland wrote a very good piece here:

  7. We have three daughters, ages 9, 7 and 4. The oldest is a tree-climbing, bug-collecting, lizard loving kinda girl, which means some boys adore her. This does not please my husband. When asked his philosophy on dating, he answers, “I got no problem going back to prison – I have books I want to read.”

    I’m forwarding both of these to him. :)

  8. John Janssen says:

    Have a daughter that is 14 months old at the moment – Love this application. As a redneck though have problems with the oversize tires question – Lord willing her truck will have mudders on it when she grows up!

  9. James H says:


    A MEN.

    My 16 y/o just started working at a pumpkin patch…my first question was, “Do boys work there? Are they all Monks?”

    Unfortunately, they are not all monks…Sadly, we cannot sanction Muslim garb (my wife forbids it for some reason). I only wish that the Spirit would make those boys blind for the next few months, that’s all I ask.

  10. Gail (Smith) Mayes says:

    After Jason and I had been dating for 4 months I filled out a “Boyfriend Evaluation” (kinda like an Employee Evaluation…I even came up with a “Gail” company logo) as a joke. I gave him a glowing evaluation.

  11. K-Nine says:

    You are one CRAZY man of God, Thabiti! I thank God for you :-)
    Grace and peace.

  12. sean carlson says:

    Too funny! Only those of us w/daughters or who’ve already raised them can truly appreciate this.

  13. Krista Dier says:

    These questions just cause more hate in the world!! Enough with discrimination!! I would not want to be associated with a pastor or whoever judges anyone by tattoos, piercings or if their parents are gay!!! Leave that up to GOD!! Even if they are jokes!!!!!!

  14. Debbie Burkhalter says:

    This is good for all of us with daughters but you guys need to see it, too!

  15. Wesley Loisch says:

    Bro, this made me laugh, even though I just happen to be the guy in any given situation like this. So many guys complain about stuff like talking to the fathers. My reasoning is that if you really have a desire to get to know the girl better, you’ll do something like this without a seconds pause.
    God bless.

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Thabiti Anyabwile

Thabiti Anyabwile is a pastor for Anacostia River Church in southeast Washington, DC and a council member of The Gospel Coalition.

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