By the time I had graduated high school, I was certain of my future. I had decided on Cedarville University as my place of higher education. I wanted to major in Mass Communications. During this time, I had sought God’s face about my future.
Don’t think that I was outside the will of God and running from Romania like Jonah from Ninevah. No, Cedarville was not my Tarshish. I firmly believed God had called me to go to Cedarville to school. And I still believe He called me there.
The only thing that kept me from going to Cedarville right out of high school was the price tag. I did not want to start out life up to my neck in school bills and debt, so I decided to take a year off school and work for my family’s printing company. That way, I could set aside some money and go to Cedarville a year later.
It was during that year off from school that I took a mission trip to Romania, and God began leading me to Romania to go to school. At first, the idea seemed absolutely absurd. Romanians were doing anything to get the chance to get educated in the United States. Here I was actually considering moving to Romania for my undergraduate work and studying Theology.
My heart was torn. Why would God be laying this on my heart now? Hadn’t he directed me to Cedarville? Hadn’t he given me the plan much earlier? I felt tricked. God had revealed His will, and now He seemed to be changing His mind. I wasn’t sure if I had misunderstood God the first time, or if I was misunderstanding Him now. Whatever the case, things weren’t adding up. Go to Cedarville. Now go to Romania. In prayer, I tried to make sense of these conflicting commands. Why had God first laid Cedarville on my heart if where He really wanted me to go was Romania?
Perplexed, I spoke privately with my pastor. I poured out my heart and told him the story. Why was God doing this to me? I felt tricked and betrayed, because it seemed that God was suddenly changing His mind, even though I knew God is unchangeable. My pastor told me that the will of God was not some mysterious future that was inherently unknowable. “Trevin, nobody wants you to know God’s will more than God does. He will reveal it to you.” That got me complaining about how difficult it is to discern God’s will for sure. If I was wrong about Cedarville, maybe I haven’t grasped God’s will as easy as I thought I had.
“I don’t know!” I said to my pastor. “I just look at Scripture and see how the great heroes of the faith were led by God. Abraham left his home. Moses, on the mountain, heard God speak from a burning bush. I just haven’t had any burning bush type experience!”
“When was the last time you went to the mountain?” he asked, pointedly.
The mountain. All this time I had been trying to discern God’s will for my life, but never had I slowed down enough to listen to what God might be saying. I hadn’t been to “the mountain” in awhile. A couple days later, I packed some snacks and my Bible and headed out to the river to sit and meditate, praying for discernment.
Unfortunately, I had no burning bush experience. No talking trees. No Angel of the Lord to wrestle with. No thunder from heaven. In the quiet, I didn’t hear anything. Not even the still, small voice.
No, God would use something else, something even more subtle and seemingly insignficant to show me his will. More on that later…
written by Trevin Wax © 2007 Kingdom People blog
